last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
