is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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