what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I deserve this hangover.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
