Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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