You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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