Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
