i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
