dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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