I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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