Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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