I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
