the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
