cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
