I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
