Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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