i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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