im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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