The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
