I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize