My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I lost the right to judge tonight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
