I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
