I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
