Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
