dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
