just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
