i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
