I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
