i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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