if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
