two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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