I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't turn off my feet"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
