My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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