OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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