went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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