Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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