if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
