3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can tuck mytits in my pants
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
