I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
