people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
