Your face is a jimmy john
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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