i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
