so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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