I just saw a hot homeless man
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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