Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
