Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
