It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
