So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
