so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
