Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
