Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
