I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize