Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
