i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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