apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
