Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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