yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
