I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
