I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Two words: nipple clamps
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