we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
