so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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