Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
