The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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