there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
