As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
