I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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