winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
