i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
