last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
