Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
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So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you