is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?