Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So drunk its hurt
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.