just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.