her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
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I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low