i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.