glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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